Sex as Exercises

It not only helps burning extra calories, but also allows couples to perform routine exercises and also enjoy sexual pleasure. What else can couples ask for!

Dr. Basheer Ahmad Roy, a Bangalore-based sex specialist states, “Almost all muscles including the legs, thighs, arms, shoulders and lower abdomen are worked upon during a sexual interaction. Anything that is done for the body should be done for at least 15 minutes and a sex session may not stretch for this long. So couples need to pay extra attention that if they wish to derive additional health benefits from sexual positions, they need to prolong sexual activity right from foreplay to the climax state.”

Apart from the fact that sex brings relief from headaches, reduces depression and tranquilises the mind, leads to glowing hair and skin etc, it’s also true that many sexual positions double up as easy workouts.

Dr. Shivi Jaggi, a Delhi-based sexologist asserts, “Sex helps burning a lot of calories. Different positions in which partners participate as per their comfort level lead to a fit body. A few complex positions that require more of physical strength and involve more work lead to weight-loss and exercising of muscles. Intensity of movements and duration of sex make a lot of difference.

Here are some lovemaking positions, which will let you stretch the most important muscle groups in your body...

Missionary position (Man on top)
In the Indian context, more than 90 per cent of couples indulge in the missionary position in bed, which seems to be quite gratifying for them. As the act involves weight balancing, it obviously has a number of physical benefits. The missionary position is all about stretching, arching and tightening. While the male partner is on top, the female laying on her back can also stretch her back, arch and tighten the abs. In addition, she can also try tightening the kegel muscles right during the act.

Dr. Jaggi elucidates, “The partner on top gets more involved in the physical activity. With a male partner on top, a lot of pressure is borne by his arms and shoulders. Besides, elbows and knees are used to the maximum while balancing in such a position; hence it stretches the muscles in both these body parts. In addition, thigh muscles are also worked upon during the missionary position, as you are almost on your knees during the act.”

Woman on top
It is said that women can orgasm quickly while on top. Yet there is an evident reluctance among Indian women to try this position in bed. But having a female partner taking the lead is a very good exercise. It allows both partners to enjoy an equal participation, where the woman uses her hands and arms to prop up and down, and the male partner is holding the woman thus balancing her body weight.

Dr. Jaggi shares, “With the woman on the top, the weight would normally be borne by the male partner. Women being the physically weaker counterpart during sex, you cannot expect them to hold on to their body mass completely. So again it’s more of exercise for the men, where they use their biceps’ muscles to hold their female partner. For a female too, just to maintain the position for a longer duration, she is stretching her biceps, triceps, forearms and chest muscles to the fullest.”

Sexing Up Domestic Violence

Does violence at home have a throbbing beat for a backdrop and erotic sex burning up the house? Eminem might think he's presenting a case against domestic violence, but with lines like these:

"Just gonna stand there and watch me burn, But that's alright because I like the way it hurts"

pouring from co-star Rihanna's beautiful lips as her liquid kohl-rimmed eyes show us how caught in erotic fascination she is, we see one long rationalization about how two people caught up in alcohol and sex flame out to a passion-soaked burn.

That's the song your kids will be humming and dancing to while they watch a glamour-drama of domestic abuse amidst love gone wrong.

After watching Eminem's "Love The Way You Lie"video, I wonder if it's meant to warn women away from bad boys, or if the message tells us to be more understanding girlfriends, and thus rescue our tortured battering boyfriends. Certainly Eminem shows himself as an alarmingly appealing, if dangerous, man -- one that can easily catch the heart of a young woman looking for someone to rescue.

Eminem's portrayal is tediously close to how my former clients (batterers) viewed themselves. After years of hearing men deny, justify, and whine their way towards explaining away violence, I can't find a shred of sexy in Eminem's portrayal, despite his obvious desperation -- either as the character or as himself -- to explain away what he admits is wrong, but excuses with lines such as "And right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates me."

Too many young men and women will find this all spectacularly sexy. The women are beautiful, even while being choked. The men are tortured by their rage, longing for love and peace. Oh, that the women would behave, their men would retreat to serenity.

How about a real-life PSA about violence against women from stars. Who'll play the role of the man whacking out his wife's teeth while the kids watch? Who want to play that role? Perhaps it's time we see what we're teaching our children as portrayed so well by Holly Levin.

Domestic violence isn't just about couples fighting over romance. It's part of a continuum. The United Nations explains, "Globally, up to six out of every ten women experience physical and/or sexual violence in their lifetime. A World Health Organization study of 24,000 women in 10 countries found that the prevalence of physical and/or sexual violence by a partner varied from 15 percent in urban Japan to 71 percent in rural Ethiopia, with most areas being in the 30-60 percent range."

Would Eminem make star-studded videos about a woman beating her children? A woman being burned by the Taliban? A gang rape on the street? A desperate junkie killing a man for a fix? Like the man portrayed in Eminem's video, there is no doubt the mother, the Taliban and the junkie are all under the influence of either substances or twisted beliefs -- but no one is putting a dance tune to their violence.

I suppose it's only when it's inside a relationship and behind closed doors that violence is given an erotic edge by a celebrity.

Maybe if we take the sexy out of smashing each other up, our children won't have to witness it. The legacy of domestic violence is a rotten inheritance to leave them, no matter how much glamour we put in the drama.

Do Women Seek a Romantic Partner

What, exactly, do women seeking a romantic partner want?

Without clarity on this defining question, the prospective suitor is like a dog chasing a car. Even if he catches it, he’s entirely unclear on what to do next.

Ask eligible women about being pursued by romantically intentioned men.

It isn’t pretty.

Three beguiling Toronto enchantresses say their confounding singleness is an unavoidable reaction to the pool of Toronto courters who are too wishy-washy, self-obsessed, commitment phobic, lacking in basic propriety and brutish in their online dating rituals.

“Toronto guys are shoppers,” says Megan Matthews, a charming 29-year-old public relations professional who is invited on half a dozen dates a month by men who typically disappoint.

“They’re always looking out for the next best thing. It’s a hunter-gatherer thing.”

To wit: A recent date with a shameless chap who made Matthews the opening of a double-header date night.

“We’re having a drink in a bar and he suddenly says, ‘I’ve got to go. Put your money down.’ He crossed the street and I watched him sit down in another place with a woman.”

Let’s say you wished to lure the interests of Lauren Cochran, a 29-year-old human resources manager with wit, a successful career and a discerning gaze.

Her first method of sorting wheat from chaff is likely beyond any practical preparation: physical chemistry.

“Clearly, my method of going after hot stuff isn’t working,” she says. “I put too much emphasis on the initial attraction. Something has to be exciting about the first meeting.”

If your mojo gets you a second glance, you must now execute a counterintuitive move with a high degree of difficulty: Ease off on the sexual chemistry that got you here.

“Men are hyper-sexual. They’re looking for it right away. It’s too much too soon.”

Down, boy.

Dodge this bullet and there are still minefields to negotiate, from the obvious to the never-saw-it-coming variety.

“If he’s rude to service people or treats women like meat, that’s a problem.”

George Clooney or George Costanza, there appears to be one constant in the view of the contemporary single woman: Men behave badly.

A common beef: Guys who prioritize their BlackBerry messages ahead of the woman sitting across from them. We are man-boys with the attentions spans of gnats, they say.

“Is sending messages every five seconds at the table really necessary?” Matthews queries. “Take it off the table.”

Cochran, who includes online dating in her regimen, has experienced some gonzo first approaches.

One recent message for a first-time online suitor reads as follows:

“Not to sound like a perv or anything but your long torso, strong hips, it says you’re more into deep sensual rather than speed or intensity.”

Darcie Vany, a 31-year-old accountant and relationship blogger has been shocked by the photos men use to attract a mate online.

Take, for example, the burgeoning ranks of men hoping to allure the love of their life with photos of themselves without a shirt.

“I don’t care how hot the body is, this is just not acceptable.”

Another frequently unchecked item on Vany’s wish list: Style.

“I can’t see myself ever dating a guy who wears golf shirts.”

Matthews is willing to provide some charitable sympathy to dating-challenged men, suggesting women need to share some blame for the misconnections.

“We’ve demanded to be independent and men don’t really know what to do. We’ve confused them.”

This singular point may be the foundation from which to acknowledge a misalignment of expectations that play such dirty tricks on us.

“Women need to feel safe, loved and cherished. Men need to feel respected, appreciated and acknowledged,” says relationship expert Catherine Cardinal. “The biggest problem in relationships is women not understanding how men work and men not understanding the inner workings of the female mind.”