What’s Wrong with Male Sexuality

Men’s sex lives are full of lies. It’s true that we live in a patriarchy, and it may be true that it’s a man’s world, but when it comes to sex, men lose out big time. This might seem a surprising statement. After all the entire multi-billion dollar sex industry is designed around male sexual fantasies. Popular surveys of sexual behaviors suggest that men get a lot more than they give in the bedroom, and men usually have equal or greater sexual satisfaction ratings when asked in scientific surveys. So what could be so bad about male sexuality?

In a nutshell, male sexuality is almost entirely an unexamined phenomenon, and it is based on many assumptions which have been accepted as fact by both the scientific community and the general public. And the problem is that if men don’t start asking themselves the hard questions about their own sex lives, it’s never going to improve. Consider some of the major myths about male sexuality:

Male sexuality is the norm

Male sexuality is the yards stick by which sex in general is defined. The problem is that everyone assumes they know what a yard stick is, and no one bothers to look at it carefully. We need to notice the lines on it, how its weathered in some places, and untouched in others. We need to measure it not by relying on its own superficial markings of inches and feet, but by taking other measuring tools and looking at it out of context.

Because male sexuality is the norm, it’s never questioned. This is a problem because male sexuality is as complicated as female sexuality and needs to be questioned.

Male sexuality is tolerated

In the West, male sexuality is tolerated to a much greater degree than female sexuality. From an early age we hear the familiar refrain “boys will be boys” which allows young men to explore their sexuality in silence and semi-secret. Because of this covert collusion, there are fewer obvious barriers for male sexuality to develop.

This is a problem because obstacles are what make us move and stretch ourselves out. And because we still live in a relatively sex negative culture, having no barriers doesn’t mean uninhibited growth, it means taking the path of least resistance. The result is men never even get a chance to conceive of their sexual options, they take what they get and assume it’s the best there is.

Male sexuality is obvious, visible, “out there”

This is another way of saying that male sexuality is all about the penis. This is possibly the most persistent and inaccurate statement about male sexuality, and one that does the greatest damage. That’s right, the penis may be male sexuality’s greatest nemesis! Men’s genitalia is external and most men learn to masturbate, ejaculate, and orgasm at a young age without any help or instruction, making male sexual response something that comes easy (no pun intended).

Because male sexuality seems to flow freely, it is assumed that there’s nothing remarkable about it, and nothing more to know about it. Freud most famously suggested that male sexuality was simple but female sexuality was something beyond even his comprehension. In this case Freud got it wrong. Male sexuality is simple because we approach it as simpletons.

Male sexuality is straight.

This is another classic assumption about male sexuality, and one that is “proven” by the fact that we all follow the rules. Ignoring an important Greek philosopher here and there, it is generally accepted modern notion that while women may have some “natural” bisexual leaning, men are mostly straight.

There are of course gay men, but they’re “different” and either 2% or 10% of the population, depending on which radio station you listen to. So when we talk as a culture about male sexuality, we’re almost always talking about what we think of as heterosexual male sexuality, which is a narrow concept involving penile-vaginal intercourse preceded by minimal foreplay and oral sex.

This is a problem because it’s not true. In reality, men want to do all sorts of things sexually and they often do them not just with women. Whether it is the early data of Alfred Kinsey who asked men about their same sex experiences growing up, or the wide range of programs geared to men who have sex with men (MSM) a group at high risk for HIV/AIDS, who do not identify as gay, but still enjoy sex with men, male sexual behaviors are far more varied and kinky than we generally acknowledge, which in turn limits what many men feel is okay to explore.

Romantic in Movie May Affect Real Love-Lives

According to a recent poll conducted in Australia, is appears that watching romantic comedies, or “rom-coms”, can have an affect on real-life relationships. It would seem that the glam and glitter of on-screen romance has led to a kind of disillusionment with its off-screen counterpart.

“It seems our love of rom-coms is turning us into a nation of ‘happy-ever-after addicts’,” said Australian relationship counselor Gabrielle Morrissey. “Yet the warm and fuzzy feeling they provide can adversely influence our view of real relationships.” Morrissey added that unlike movie romances, “real relationships take work and true love requires more than fireworks.”

The poll, which was released by Warner Home Video in conjunction with the release of the movie “Valentine’s Day” to home video, showed that half of the 1000 people surveyed said that the glittery happy ending of the rom-com has ruined their perception of what an ideal relationship is.

The movie “”Valentine’s Day” is about a collection of couples who get together, break up, or make relationship changes surrounding the February 14th holiday. It stars Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Jamie Fox, and Ashton Kutcher and is likely to contain just the kind of gilded happy ending that makes people disappointed in their real lives.

The Benefits of Sex for Your Skin

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, right? Wrong, says Dr. Gloria G. Bramer, a Georgia-based licensed clinical sexologist. According to her, an orgasm a day keeps the doctor away (we're sure apples are fine too, but we prefer this prevention method)! "An orgasm is one of the healthiest things you can give yourself each day. From a sexologist's point of view it should be included in your routine along with brushing your teeth and washing your hair."

Sex makes you glow.

It's true – sex gives your skin a heavenly glow. Bramer says that having sex improves blood circulation, which helps to pump oxygen to your skin and make it brighter. It also helps to eliminate toxins and can actually make your lips a little fuller.

It controls acne.

Just as with people who exercise, Bramer says, having sex reduces your hormone levels and balances them out. The result? Clearer-looking skin, along with healthier hair!

It controls acne.

Just as with people who exercise, Bramer says, having sex reduces your hormone levels and balances them out. The result? Clearer-looking skin, along with healthier hair!

It prevents dry skin.

Bramer says that many people tie sexiness to an age. "Women become less sexual as they get older and hit menopause because they have less hormones going through them," she says. Once you hit menopause, your skin quality diminishes and suddenly you may notice your face is extremely dry. By having sex and getting the blood and oxygen flowing, you can keep dry skin away regardless of your age.

It prevents wrinkles too!

Remember we said having sex boosts collagen production? That means it helps to keep you wrinkle-free in the process! Especially for those stressed-filled workweeks, we can't think of any facial mask that works as well as sex does for your skin.

Sex makes your nails stronger.

The same hormones that are released to make your skin glow will also keep your nails strong, especially during pregnancy, says Fulbright.

Sex makes your nails stronger.

The same hormones that are released to make your skin glow will also keep your nails strong, especially during pregnancy, says Fulbright.

It cleanses your pores.

No need for pore cleansers: Sex will do the trick, depending on how hot and heavy things are getting. By sweating during sex, you're actually giving your face a free facial. The sweat will clean from your pores the dirt, grime, and makeup residue you miss when you cleanse your face during the day.

Can Your Sex Drive Influence Your Immune System?

We, as human beings, are complex. Most people are aware that exercise is good for us. Exercise is good for the immune system. Just like exercise, sexual activity can also be very good for the immune system. Good sex puts us in a good mood; even not so good sex can have positive influences on our overall health. You will have to define for yourself what good sex is. For some, good sex is sexual activity that always leads to an orgasm. For other people, having an orgasm isn't always the primary objective.

Do your thoughts about your sex life influence your immune system?

Have you ever heard the saying, "you are what you think you are"? All of us have beliefs about ourselves, and we tend to become what we believe we are. For instance, if you believe yourself to unsuccessful in life, you probably will be. If you believe you are not as good as other people, you will most likely have a poor self-image. The same goes for your beliefs about your sex life. If you believe that sex isn't good unless you achieve an orgasm, then if you don't have an orgasm, you may become frustrated. Being sexually frustrated, over time, can have a negative influence on your overall well being. The key to having a healthy sex life is to enjoy sexual activity whether you have an orgasm or not. When you are having a good time during sexual activity, your brain is being flooded with feel good chemicals. In turn, when you are turned on, your endocrine system is also turned on.

How does sex influence the immune system?

We are more than our composite parts. Our immune system can be influenced by many factors, such as our physical, mental and sexual health. We know that stress can influence our immune system. We also know that sex reduces stress in the body. Sexual activity influences our overall well being. When you have sex one or two times a week, you produce more IgA (immunoglobulin A), which is a specific type of antibody which helps you to fight disease causing bacteria and viruses. Thus, it stands to reason, if you have a healthy sex life, you are likely to have a healthy body and a healthy immune system.To have a healthy immune system, all your body systems should be in balance. Your body systems like to stay in a state of homeostasis.

For instance, when you are in a state of good health, your body temperature will be within normal limits, and your fluid and electrolyte balance will be where it should be. When one system gets out of balance, it can influence other body systems and your body can move out of the balanced state of homeostasis. When your body is no longer in homeostasis, your immune system can be negatively affected. Your sex life should be balanced also, to have a healthy immune system.

A scientific study, on the saliva of 112 college students, at Wilkes University in Pennsylvania showed that college students who had sex once or twice a week had higher levels of IgA than students who abstained from sex or had sex less than once a week. The study also showed that students who had sex three or more times a week had less IgA levels than the students who were having sexual activity once or twice a week. What does the test mean? From the results of the test, one can assume that people who have a balanced sex life may be healthier than people who have too little sex or too much sex. Is the study absolute? Does it mean that everyone who has sex less than once a week or more than four times a week are not as healthy as people who have sex at least once a week? Of course not! We must find our own balance. We are not all young college students.

For some of us, having sexual activity once or twice a month may be what we enjoy. Others may enjoy more sexual contact than others. The main objective is to enjoy sex and to feel good. If sex begins to make you feel tired in your everyday life, you might need to cut back to find your balance. You will know what your balance is when you feel good in your everyday life.

We are all individuals, and what we think and feel about our sex lives is specific to our own lives. If you are happy with your sex life, chances are your immune system will benefit from it. If you are not happy with your sex life, your immune system might not be as healthy as it could be. The bottom line is, your thoughts about your sex life influence your overall health.

The Links Between Sex and Stress

Sex and stress are linked in several ways. Most of us instinctively know this already, and feel it unmistakably when a particularly stressful week or two zaps us of our sex drive. But while stress can have a hand in low libido, it can also be a great stress reliever, which is why jokes about uptight bosses needing a good roll in the hay are always good for at least one knowing chuckle. Have you ever wondered how much truth there was to the idea that sex works nicely as a stress salve? Here’s some research on stress and sex:

Good Sex and Good MoodIn an Arizona State University study on 58 middle-aged women, physical affection or sexual behavior with a partner significantly predicted lower negative mood and stress, and higher positive mood the following day. Simply put, researchers found that sex and physical intimacy led women to feel less stressed and be in a better mood the next day.

Good Mood and Good SexThe same study found that being in a good mood predicted more physical affection and sexual activity with a partner the next day, showing that the sex-stress management connection works both ways: sex can lead you to feel less stressed, and being less stressed or at least in a better mood can lead to more sex. Further proof of the importance of effective stress management!

Sex and Blood PressureAnother study examined participants’ blood pressure as a measure of their stress responses during public speaking or challenging math problems—situations that often elicit stress.

It was found that those who had recently had intercourse tended to have either lower baseline blood pressures, less of a blood pressure rise during stressful events, or both. These findings suggest that having sex can lead to less of a stress response during challenging situations, which is a good thing.

Sex and Stress ResponseAlong those lines, another study looked at women’s heart rate and cortisol levels as a measure of stress response, and found that women exhibited less of a stress response after ‘positive physical contact’ with a partner. Emotional support alone didn’t have the same effect.
Orgasm and HealthOrgasm itself has many benefits for health and stress relief. Aside from these scientific findings, sex has some obvious stress management components. In addition to effectively taking your mind off of your worries for a decent period of time, sex provides some of these other stress management benefits:

Deep Breathing: This deep, relaxed type of breathing relaxes your body, oxygenates your blood and reduces the stress you feel.

Sense of Touch: Studies show that massage can be a great stress reliever. In fact, we need touch for our emotional health; studies also show that babies who are not touched enough can fail to thrive, and touch continues to be important into adulthood.

Social Support: People who have a supportive social outlet tend to manage stress better, live longer, and enjoy increased overall health. The type of emotional intimacy that sex can help supply is good for you!

Endorphins: Sexual activity releases endorphins and other feel-good hormones.

Physical Workout: Depending on your level of enthusiasm, you can burn a lot of calories during sex, and gain the stress management benefits of exercise as well.

Unfortunately, many people find that, when they’re under stress, their sex drive suffers.

Anna Chapman’s Ex Opens up about their Lively Sex Life

‘Russian spy’ Anna Chapman’s Brit ex-husband Alex Chapman has opened up, in detail, about their kinky sex life.

For the first time, Alex opened up about the kind of relationship he shared with Anna.

“I found her Russian accent such a turn-on,” News of the World quoted Alex as saying.

“The sex was great and she had this incredible body. It was more about lust at first. I hadn’t met anybody like her before,” he added.

The 30-year-old also revealed that the raunchy Russian liked posing fcoupleor pictures and loved trying out sex toys.

“I took one of her topless first thing in the morning,” he said.

“I said to Anna ‘go on get them out!’ and I took the picture of her with only a bit of the duvet over her. She laughed about it.

“We were having so much fun. We also experimented with sex toys.

“It was great fun although Anna was covering her face with a hat when I took the pictures,” he added.

Alex also said that Anna was never apprehensive about experimenting different places.

“When we were on the plane we came up with a plan to join the mile high club. I went to the toilet first and told her to follow later and knock,” he said.

“Anna was wearing a denim dress so I hitched it up and we just went for it. It was fantastic because of the thrill of doing it on a plane. We were in the toilet for about 15 minutes and then one of the cabin crew knocked on the door. I said Anna had been sick and I was helping her,” he added.

The couple married in Moscow in 2002 but their marriage didn’t last long and they separated in 2005.